As If I Needed A Reminder


It’s 3:27 AM, Thursday, November 22, 2012.  Thanksgiving.  Obama won but all the news isn’t bad.  Meg and I are moving to West Virginia today (the cool, pretty part).  She’ll be getting up in 2 hours and we’ll leave.

I have been a student of politics for a long time.  I was disillusioned for a while.  Being in Little Rock has been interesting.  If nothing else, my interest in politics and faith in this here American Experiment has been renewed.

This has been in no small part to the office and representation of Rep Tim Griffin (R-AR).  The dude wrote me messages on Facebook, man!  Talk about Andrew Jackson-like accessibility!  And his local office…omg.   Here and now, …Jason McGee deserves credit.  Can you imagine ME?…on the other end of a phone?  Talk about crazy!  Once, I kid you not, I had Capitol Police Special Agent Brad talking to me on the phone.  He said he was going to send some local boys out.  I was on the phone with Jason when they showed up.  “OH!  I am just emphatic.  Not dangerous.” I said to the po-po while holding out the telephone saying, “I have my Congressman’s guy on the phone now.  Wanna ask HIM if I am OK?”  Thank you, Jason!

And, let me say this, too…and this hurts…..  The cops in Little Rock are decent.  Unlike the town from which I moved from, the police here are NOT looking for bullsh*t reasons to arrest people.

AR Sen John Boozman is another good guy.  He actually SIGNED letters. NOT form letters…REAL letters specifically addressed to my policy questions.  For a political junkie like me that kind of stuff is the equivalent of Elvis’ jock-strap.

All this may seem silly to you all, but I am a wide-eyed Jeffersonian Optomist and this kind of engagement reawakened me.  I am thankful to Arkansas for that.

May it never be said I am not fair.  I give credit where credit is due….and I have.

Now, let me pull the string that ties this all together.

Have there been benefits from being here?  Yes?  But there is a lot I won’t miss.

I won’t miss the piss-poor customer service.  I have dealt with the public my whole life, many years as a professional waiter, and I KNOW Customer Service.  Many down here act like they are doing you a favor when they turn from their cell-phone conversations to help you.

I won’t miss the lecherous, primal rutting Neanderthals that pass as MEN down here….gawking, drooling and constantly trying to sidle up to my wife, trying to convince her that it’s OK for her to give them her number because they just want to be friends and they don’t care about her husband.  Oh, they should care.  They should care very much.  If they don’t….well….I’ll buy them a cup of coffee and explain it.

I won’t miss the self-indulgent attitudes.  I won’t miss driving down Colonel Glenn and seeing groups of thugs.  I won’t miss being afraid to be outside.

Which brings me back to my point.  I won’t miss the RANDOM GUNSHOTS that ring out through the night…every night.  3:27 AM….BANG!…..pause…BANG!  Regularly.

I knew someone who was a server at a Denny’s here.  She went outside to smoke.  5 minutes after she went back inside someone was shot in the parking lot.

I haven’t lived everywhere but I have lived a few places.  This city is the most consistently aggressively violent place I have ever lived.  I can hardly wait to leave!

About John Woodard: Crazy Like A Fox

Constitutional-Libertarian. Augustine & SunTzu. East meets West. Irreverent hyperbole, acerbic wit and razor sharp points. No BS allowed! Imagine Ric Flair mixed with Winnie The Pooh while Pink Floyd and Buckcherry alternate in the background. I am Jack of all trades and a Master of none. Beat me if you can; Survive if I LET you.

Posted on November 22, 2012, in Politics. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Good luck on your move, you guys! I lived in WV for about 7 years: a very nice place to raise a family, etc.,..
    Even found Mrs. TurnRight there. I’ve got no complaints.

    Charleston, IMHO, is the best of the bunch, as it could be picked up & dropped ANYwhere in the nation and it’d be fine. The rest of the towns are cool, but more distinctly WV than C-ton.

    if you’re moving to the country (and let’s face it: it’s mostly country), you’ve got some of the prettiest land anywhere. Reasonably priced, too. And the folks there are some of the most decent, hard-working, salt-of-the-Earth type you can find.
    There ARE idiots…but they’re everywhere. WV has their expected proportion.

    Hope you enjoy it, Big John.
    I’ll be waiting for a post when you comment along the lines of, “Holy Crap: the whole COUNTY is closed for Deer Season? The whole flippin’ COUNTY???”

    And yes, …I’m serious.

    • I hate you, Dude. I said i was moving to WV and I was thinking about the HOT SPOTS like Paw Paw or Inwood, but you recommended Charleston and here I am. It’s not even Charleston…it’s SOUTH Charleston. WTH? Is a DIRECTION is a city? I thought they only did silly things like that in North Little Rock.

      Sorry I didn’t respond earlier but you were right. They turned the whole freakin’ town off for Hunting Season. The only people working were the GIRLS on the corner in Dunbar…and even they were charging Holiday rates!

      I am concerned about these WV hilbillies. Due to my Glorious Rock & Roll hair, they look at me funny. I think they either want to put my head on a wall or pull out a banjo. No, I do NOT look just like a hog! You can be nice and reference a cute lil pot bellied pig, thank you. There’s no need to hurt my feelings.

      • South Charleston is STILL basically Charleston, despite the zip code difference, etc.
        I actually maintained an office there for a couple years.

        And don’t worry about your hair. The bars downtown still have bands that play RnR each weekend. Most folks will assume you’re in a band… ;)

        Seriously, S. Chas. is a real nice place; hope you both enjoy it, bro!

      • DUDE! They’ll think I am in a band? Does that mean I can FINALLY get GROUPIES? I have wanted those ever since I started riding the steel breeze (get that reference?) Do groupies=a harem? I have always wanted one of those, too. Having just moved from Little Rock, I have to curtail my urges to walk down the street yelling, “Bitches!…HOs!…” I want to get away from that because, anyone who has spent a night making $0.53 the HARD WAY outside the Denny’s on University knows that pimpin’ ain’t easy!

        Meg will want to know….do GROUPIES do windows?

  2. Steel Breeze: “You Don’t Want me Anymore”….
    One of my FAVORITE 1-hit-wonders of all time!!

    I actually still have the 45rpm. Seriously.

    As for groupies & Windows:
    Ummm, I’m thinking “no”, BUT you could always ask…? :)

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